Reflections

What a year it’s been. I don’t know about you but I think there is a tradition of reflection about now; a new year to come, looking back over the last one and the useful ‘bookmark’ of Christmas to anchor our thoughts.
2014 turned out to be an especially momentous year for me. It brought lots of change; in fact, I think this was the theme of the whole 12 months.
I don’t particularly want to go into much detail but this time last year I was working as a drug counsellor in the NHS although was off sick, yet again, and facing retirement due to ill health. As some of you who have been following the blog for a while, I went on the Lightning Process training in February as a last ditch attempt to regain some control over my life and am now recovering from M.E. and marching firmly towards good health.
It has not been a lightning recovery, unlike some people’s experience, nor has it not worked at all. In fact it worked well enough that the other major change this year – leaving work to set up my own business – was through choice and not forced upon me.
I returned to work after being off sick for 8 months in March, a week after doing the LP and far too soon, with hindsight. I was desperate to prove something (I’m not quite sure what) and I’ve discovered that I still need to pace myself and that learning to look after myself is really difficult for me.
So now I think I’m in recovery not just from ill health but also from working for the NHS! I recently revisited my professional code of ethics (I belong to the British Council for Counselling and Psychotherapy) and was shocked to relearn that I have a responsibility not to work when unwell. I had definitely forgotten this aspect and had frequently forced myself to work despite not being up to it. There is a strong culture of ‘being strong’ and not being ‘lazy’ in the NHS; to the extent that if you had 12 months without taking time off sick you received a letter of congratulation from the Chief Executive, as if being lucky enough not to get sick was something you have power over.
Enough of that, it can make me angry still.
For me, one of the silver linings to having M.E. is that I learnt to weave. Facing redundancy, I knew I needed some way of making a living so started various projects (like dyeing wool) that eventually led me to weaving. It was like coming home. I’ve also discovered Saori weaving as well as weaving baby wraps; both of which have enabled me to set up a full time business, to work hours that suit me and my health (now that I have learnt that working seven days a week is really not that great, energywise) (really! I have an innate and stupid urge to push myself beyond my limits, something that most probably led me to being ill in the first place) and to work with what I love most: yarn (well, after my hubby, family, friends and doggies).
Weaving Heart will be a year old in March and I will write then about the blessings that it has given me.
All in all, an amazing year; one where I’ve been challenged and have continued to learn. Thank you for sharing 2014 with me.

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2 thoughts on “Reflections

  1. rmwk100

    What a fab blog to read, but it’s even more amazing that you have learned so much, made such momentous changes in your life, and that you are now in a position to reflect on it all, and to write so honestly about it. My very best wishes to you for 2015. With love from Ruth xxxxxx

    Reply
  2. Anne Davis

    Wonderful!!
    It’s been a gift to have been able to share in the ups, downs, sideways steps and round and round parts with you.
    It has , indeed, been an amazing year.
    Xxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply

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