Dear diary…

Oh man I’m having a grumpy day today. Probably not the best time to write a blog then, if you’re a sensible person…I’ve never been accused of being sensible so here goes.

I’m not grumpy about anything specific, it’s just a day where I find most people annoying.

One of the reasons I object strongly to the idea that M.E is a psychological, whether partly or otherwise, is because, to coin a phrase, I’ve done a lot of work on myself. Some of that included learning how to be angry as our culture tends to discourage angry women. We can be kind, compassionate, caring, and within reason funny (although not too much as that would be threatening right?), but not angry. 

So I quite enjoy it now, as long as I don’t act inappropriately it’s kind of fun, and feels a little like being naughty.

Right onto ‘proper’ stuff. I realised that this blog is becoming more about M.E (me me meeee!) than anything else and as it reflects what’s going on here then it’s pretty inevitable. Life is very dictated by my health and my activities shaped accordingly.

It’s been a very quiet weekend as Mr Weaving Heart kindly drove me all the way to Inverness on Friday for a posh haircut. Now this is a big trip for me and requires resting before and afterwards. My hair is one of the ways I’ve adjusted things to fit with my health, I now have short hair (and getting shorter) as it’s so much easier to look after and I was slightly anxious about how I would manage sitting in the hairdressers for a wee while. I get orthostatic intolerance – basically unable to remain upright – so wasn’t sure how this would be but it actually went fairly well. One of the paradoxes of M.E is that I can run on adrenaline, and do this for quite a while, adding, of course, to the myth that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. It’s very useful as long as I don’t do it too often and this was one of those days; my hair cut took less time than expected so I had a little spare time before my lift arrived and quite happily walked over the bridge and back feeling ‘normal’. It was lovely and quite bittersweet as it reminds me of how I used to feel prior to chronic illness.

Contrary to how I may come across, I’m actually very content with life. It’s been five years (five years!!) since I was diagnosed and having travelled through the various lifestyle changes that come with this, I’m now very grateful I don’t have to force myself to work anymore. I have a comfortable and safe (especially important as so many don’t) home with a life partner who accepts my illness and doesn’t see it as defining me.

Everything from Netflix and social media all contribute to a sense of community as well. There are some great M.E groups on Facebook and I’ve just started participating in ‘Spoonie Mail’ where I exchange proper letters (I know right? Such a long time since I’ve done that other than the odd card to family) with others living with health conditions. It like having lots of pen pals all over again and writing letters gives me a good way of hopefully bringing a little joy into someone else’s life; I know how exciting it is to get post that doesn’t arrive in a brown envelope.

Right, as I need to add a few photos to this I’ll give you a brief update on my FO’s and WIPs. Firstly, I didn’t  immediately cast on that shawl I mentioned last time but managed to get the socks finished.


I’m a complete convert to the Fish Kiss Lips heel after my friend recommended it. It’s so much quicker than a more traditional heel flap gusset thing except I’ve discovered that unless I ensure my measurements are completely on point then they don’t fit well. It’s less forgiving, as I discovered with this pair – one sock fits perfectly, the other is slightly shorter and is, well, annoying. I guess I could frog the toe and reknit but life really is too short.

So having completed a project I had the perfect reason to start a new one, never mind the half dozen or so that are currently on the needles. So here’s my Peachy shawl, using the yarn originally intended for a cardigan (Shusui) that was completely frogged.


It’s very similar to the cardigan pattern, being written by the same designer, and is a top down brioche garter stitch combo. It’ll be very snuggly when finished and hopefully perfect for keeping my shoulders cosy in bed.

Right plenty enough for now, I hope you’re having a slightly less grumpy day and I’ll be back very soon. Thanks for reading.

One thought on “Dear diary…

  1. Elaine Ellis

    Hi Rachel, love the blog and the haircut. What a great feeling going over the bridge and back – it’s amazing how achieving the little things (which are normally huge obstacles) can give us so much positive pleasure. If you know what I mean.
    I have recently been told that fibromyalgia is a ‘label’ and I actually have something something something muscle syndrome- the somethings are the words I cannot remember. Yep fibromyalgia by another name – I don’t care about labels xxx

    Reply

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